How a Monster of a Character Became an Unexpected Hero For Me

 In the past decade, I was just cruising through my life, enjoying the fruits of my labor and basically just having the best time of my life. 

Then fate started throwing some curve balls which I just lamely hit back but had catastrophic consequences in my life which is slowly unfolding as I am writing this.

I thought people were basically decent, but I realized now that there are evil people out there, out to get you, hating you, just because - and they can destroy your life, something which I did not watch out for.

So anyhow, when all these shit hit the fan and started wrecking my life slowly, I was in desperate need of a 'hero', a template whom I could pattern my actions after - to fight back against all these bad shit being thrown at me.

Interestingly, it was an anti-hero from a TV show called Breaking Bad, named Walter White that kinda made me see the world in a different light.  I am Walter White in some ways but I have built some strong foundations on values and ethics that have stopped me from going WW all the way.

However, there are parts of WW that I want to emulate since I think that is where I am weak at.  First of it is his unwillingness to back down from a fight.  I have never been confrontational, and I have always sought the first peaceful resolution of any problem I am faced with.  I wish I had the gumption to fight if I need to.

Second, I learned that it is not always good to be the nice guy always, especially when you deal with evil people.  I haven't taken matters in my own hands but I have decided to just give it all back to God, through divine justice, which I think is a more satisfying way of getting back at bad people.  I have observed how karmic forces have brought down other people and my belief on it extends to how I would have wanted to deal with people who have given me sorrow - and with no way for me to fight back.

Third, I admire Walter White for always standing his ground and never giving up on solving a problem - thinking out of the box always - and coming out with a solution, and very creative ones at that.  I like that truck with a magnet, or the meticulous ways that he did to get rid of Fring.  I do not like the parts though where he had to kill people or poison children - that is the Heisenberg in him that had to do that.

I don't think I have his huge ego and I wouldn't say no to people offering me money for my medical expenses. I believe that we should not turn down generosity.

But for all his flaws and the gradual descent of his character to evilness, one thing I have learned is to always use your talent to benefit others.  W.W.'s character is really brilliant but by deciding to use it in an illegal and harmful trade - he may never get legit respect from ordinary people.

In a way, I am learning from his mistakes and his flaws, but I will always go for his never-back-down attitude - and I love that monologue where he emphasized that it is all about him lol.  Sometimes I have to protect me from people who enjoy my downfall.